About Me

Posted by admin on July 6th, 2005

Howdy Yall. You ready for the ultra hardcore DRAMA that is my life? Lets get to it then. Well i have been living in the central valley most of my life. My earliest memory is that of my mom Laying on our unfinished wood floor in our shack of a house. She was passed out O.D’ed on something. I remember that i was too young to know how to use the phone, but old enough to know that i should be calling someone. I was frantically dial hoping to get someone to help. I’m not sure how long this went on but eventually my grandmother come home from work. She started reprimanding me for playing with the phone. Said she had tried to call a couple times and couldn’t get through. Well once she saw my possible deceased mother laying on the floor i was off the hook. No, this is not a lifetime movie of the week. LOL.. Let me tell you that this is just the beginning, most of the rest of my life goes along the same theme. Living with a drug addict/alcoholic mother, a deadbeat dad that spent most of his time in jail or just not coming around, moving from place to place because mom can’t seem to get it together anywhere. It was a rough childhood. Did i mention i was molested by an unnamed family member. Hell, my family doesn’t even know about it. If they ever read this they will be shocked.. LOL.. SURPRISE!!

I was a total fatty most of my life. I’m a little chunky now, but when i was a kid.. DAMN!! And my “Kid n’ Play” High top fade didn’t help.. hehe.. shut up.. i liked my tall hair. So, in school i was kind of an outcast. My cousin was pretty popular and we were close so sometimes i got to hang out with him and his friends. Other than that i was pretty much on my own. Eventually i found some other outcasts to hang with. My best friend was another fatty named Adam. We were brothers in bulk… lol. I spent a lot of time with Adam. We played video games none stop. One year i broke my wrist and he broke both of his. Not from video games.. Not that either.. GOSH!!.. as soon as or thumbs worked we were right back to the videos.. lol.. Can you imagine it. We FREAKIN ROCKED!! I got more friends eventually.. but that comes a little later.

Lets talk gay for a minute. I’ve always known was gay. When i was younger i would crush on my male school mates, and my cousins friends. But i knew for certain i was gay in Junior high. In P.E. it was mandatory to take a shower after class… uh.. yeah.. mandatory. The P.E. teacher would sit at the door of the showers and mark you off the list as you left. Yeah.. Seemed a little Pedo to me too. Anyhow.. me puberty and a class full of naked boys.. BONER!! I always seemed to have crushes on the freakin jocks. Thank goodness there were no showers in high school.

O.k.. High school. My freshman year sucked as it does for most. I was Fat and a dork, and a freshman. I was picked on non stop by upperclassmen. I had a mini break down that year. I’m pretty sure that is when school was no longer a priority for me. I got terrible grades and adopted a new attitude. I was still a very fun, and funny guy with people i liked. At the same time i was very hardened and no nonsense with people i didn’t like or people who gave me shit. I wasn’t all that tough but i put on a good game face. Most teachers got the ass end of my attitude. I was very old for my age. Most of my teachers saw this and always gave me the “Potential” speech. My art teacher and my History teacher were the best. My art teacher Mrs. K was Hella cool. I mean.. she was an art teacher. very much a hippie type free spirit. she still remembers me to this day. My history teacher was a total goober. I don’t remember his name but i had a HUGE crush on him. I also had an English teacher who was a total dyke. She was a real asshole to me. I think she knew i was a gay and she just pushed me way too hard to get on the right track.

By my junior year all my friends were in the same school as me. Most of my friends were younger than me, so i had to spend that first year all alone. Adam was around my softmor year, but it seems like i changed a lot the year before. We still hung out after school but not so much during school. I was kind of an angsty, artsy kinda guy and he was more of a bookish guy. So Adam started getting into the churchy stuff, and i started going with him. It took a lot of prodding but it happened. At his church youth group i meet a whole new lot of friends. It’s crazy that i found these people at a church youth group. Mary, Emily, Cory, Sharlene and Joe. Mary and Emily were sisters, Joe was dating Emily, Sharlene was Marys friend and Cory was a short big busted sexpot with an “i don’t give a shit” attitude. None of these people belonged in a church, but there we were. We had lots of good times hanging out and being bad, in and out of church. Emily and I ended up going to the same bad kid school. That was good times. She would bring a Thermos of this super sugar punch, and 2 bananas for lunch. She was great but Mary and i clicked right away. Mary is my number one chick to this very day. She was the same artsy angsty type that i was. We had LOTS of good times. Maybe I’ll dedicate a whole section to Mary.. later..

So in 1994 i believe, my little brother was shot and killed. It was a hard time for my family. He was only 14, and he was shot in a drive by. It wasn’t so much a shock to me. He was in gangs and whatnot for a very long time. That whole thing put kind of a wedge between me and my family. I wasn’t as devastated as everyone else and just couldn’t figure out why everyone was so shocked. Don’t get me wrong he was my little brother and i loved him. But by this time in my life i had been hardened by so much drama. This just didn’t really hit me like it should have. Not to mention i lived with him and saw who he was hanging with, and how he was acting, and where he was hiding the guns in the house. The problem was that my brother had a smile that would light up a room. He could Smile and everyone would forget that he was a little demond and see him as a little angel. Boy did he know how to work that. This is another thing that my family is going to read and it will be a shock to them.. lol..

After that i started spending a LOT of time with my new friends and getting more punk rock. I was dying my hair crazy colors and sporting Mohawk and what not. I also eventually found myself almost in a fist fight with a crazy cop who went to the church my friends and i went to. It seems he didn’t like the way i talked so candidly with his children (who were my age by the way). I was still in school at the time.. kinda. I found myself ditching more and more. I also found myself drinking about every night. Either alone or with friends. Mostly alone. Hell i brought 2 gallons of vodka and grapefruit juice to homecoming and my friends and i got sloshed while working the nacho booth.. LOL.. Good times. It didn’t take me too long to see that this was not the road i wanted to travel. I ditched the drinking but my attitude remained pretty much the same.

So after not graduating high school i got me a job and got the fuck away from my family. When i got my job i was living in a 3 bedroom shack with no less than 8 people. shortly after getting my job at a care home for the mentally ill i moved the fuck out of the shack and in with 2 of my friends.

We’ll save the rest of the story for later. I am itching to get it all in here so that everyone can see how crazy i am.. LOL.. I’ll give you the next couple of years a little later. Let me know if you guys want to hear it or not. Or if there is someone you want to hear more about. I love telling stories.. it’s very therapeutic.